Die you shall...

Die you shall...Live you should...

The idea of dying

"The idea is to die young as late as possible" - Ashley Montagu

Funny business quotes

• Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor. John Ciardi
• The problem with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat. Lilly Tomlin
• Don’t piss on my back and tell me it’s raining. Old West quote
• When you assume, you make an “ass” out of “u” and “me.”
• The successful man is the one who finds out what is the matter with his business before his competitors do. Roy L. Smith
• Eagles soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
• Every employee rises to the level of his own incompetence. The Peter Principle
• Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion. Cyril Northcote Parkinson/Parkinson’s Law.
• The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
• A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him. David Brinkley
• A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
• She should go far. The sooner she starts, the better.
• The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of its behind. Joseph Stilwell
• Success in almost any field depends more on energy and drive than it does on intelligence. This explains why we have so many stupid leaders. Sloan Wilson
• The wheels are turning, but the hamsters are all dead.
• Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
• I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig, you get dirty; and besides, the pig likes it. George Bernard Shaw
• If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you’ll get change.
• There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it? Kin Hubbard
• If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
• There’s an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job. Peter Drucker
• By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. Robert Frost
• Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties. Doug Larson
• Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. Winston Churchill
• A budget tells us what we can’t afford, but it doesn’t keep us from buying it. William Feather
• The worst part of success is to try to find someone who is happy for you. Bette Midler
• Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things. TS Eliot
• If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some. Benjamin Franklin
• Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. George Burns
• If not controlled, work will flow to the competent man until he submerges.
• If you don’t know what to do with many of the papers piled on your desk, stick a dozen colleagues initials on them and pass them along. When in doubt, route. Malcolm S. Forbes quotes
• It is better to spend money like there’s no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there’s no money. PJ O’Rourke
• Never invest in anything that eats or needs repairing. Billy Rose
• It’s hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse. Adlai Stevenson
• If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it. WC Fields
• Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
• If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style. Quentin Crisp
• Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
• A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
• All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure. Mark Twain
• If at first you don’t succeed, try management.
• Indecision is the key to flexibility.
• If at first you don’t succeed, take the tax loss. Kirk Kirkpatrick
• Aim low, reach your goals, and avoid disappointment. Scott Adams/Dilbert
• Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes. Lewis Grizzard
• The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde
• In the early days all I hoped was to make a living out of what I did best. But, since there’s no real market for masturbation I had to fall back on my bass playing abilities. Les Claypool
• Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss’s job.
• Right now, this is a job. If I advance any higher, this would be my career. And if this were my career, I’d have to throw myself in front of a train. Jim Halpert/The Office
• Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure. Earl Wilson
• Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. Napoleon Bonaparte
• There’s nothing so improves the mood of the Party as the imminent execution of a senior colleague. Alan Clark
• A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
• An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.
• Speak the truth, but leave immediately after.
• For maximum attention, nothing beats a good mistake.
• One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important. Bertrand Russell
• http://www.businesspundit.com/100-funny-business-quotes/

Necessity to Change

It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory. ~W. Edwards Deming

Victoria's secret revealed

I figured out Victoria’s secret. Starvation and liposuction

Sapranos quotes

"You heard about the Chinese godfather?  He made them an offer they couldn't understand."

"I'm like King Midas in reverse, here.  Everything I touch turns to shit."

Cracked open

"Author(Substitute as necessary) just banged her head in the wall... it cracked open. Mercifully, there was nothing inside :D "

Understanding the world

"Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock" - Ben Hecht

People

Tools of seduction

"Being a language, mathematics may be used not only to inform but also, among other things, to seduce" - Benoit Mandelbrot

Cross gender opinions

"When men criticize women, it's called sexism. When women criticize men, it's called feminism"

"When a guy sleeps with many women, he is a stud, while if a woman does the same she is a slut"

Motherhood

"A baby gives birth to a mother".

Go fish?

Hurt quotes

“Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart.”

"It's weird...you know the end of something great is coming, but you want to hold on, just for one more second...just so it can hurt a little more.”

“Dance as though no one is watching you. Love as though you have never been hurt before. Sing as though no one can hear you. Live as though heaven is on earth.”

“Strength of character means the ability to overcome resentment against others, to hide hurt feelings, and to forgive quickly.”

“I've learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you every once in awhile and you must forgive them for that.”

“The difference between friendship and love is how much you can hurt each other”

“You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.”

“I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love” : Mother Teresa

Be a hero today!

"Heroes don't die, they just reload"

Whatever your problems, reload and get going!

Njoy!

Don't take life too seriously, you are not going to survive it anyway  :D

Love & war 2

"War (like love) is easier to start than to stop": H.L.Mencken

What matters now!

One of the best self improvement things you could find on the web today. Contains the gist of many books that are going to be released this year in 2010. All the big authors from various fields join in for this one freely distributable presentation. Just awesome!

http://sethgodin.typepad.com/files/what-matters-now-1.pdf

Attitude

"If u like me raise your hands if not then raise your standards".

Woody Allen quotes

“I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.”

“To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.”

“Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.”

“If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.”

“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”

“When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.”

“I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.'”

“I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.”

“In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.”

“Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing; between 5 it's fantastic.”

“You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.”

“My brain? That´s my second favourite organ.”

“I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.”

“Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right”

“Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.”

“I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me”

“A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.”

“Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.”

“Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.”

“What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?”

“I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.”

“I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.”

“The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.”

“Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.”

“If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.”