On love

People usually "fall" in love due to 3 reasons:

1. Love at first sight (including the vibes of the person)

2. Physical attraction

3. Caring provided by the other person

Recently, came across a fourth reason:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DMIcBsOICOd/?igsh=YnYyanVzNTBmaWt3

An unexpected and rare way: Sharing vulnerabilities may lead to trusting each other, meaningful connections and even love.

Power of timely love

 The 8 minutes catch up with a friend by Simon Senek:

The 8 min catchup

The perfect hug:

5-10 sec hug

A concept by John Gottman

The 6 second kiss

In conclusion, spend at least 8 min with a friend, a 10 sec hug to a loved one and a 6 second kiss to your partner.

Good Love v/s Bad Love

Good love sets you free. Bad love enslaves you.

Good love changes you for the better. Bad love forces you to unwilling changes.

Good love is supportive. Bad love is dominating.

Good love is empowering. Bad love is disempowering.

Good love is based on trust. Bad love is based on jealousy/ fear/ need to fit in/ not to be alone.

Good love doesn't demand you to give up on friends/ colleagues/ family. Bad love is obsessive and demands other sacrifices.

Good love helps you grow. Bad love enslaves you physically / mentally / sexually / emotionally.

Conflicts in love

 I recently watched an avant garde movie called "Love Lies and Bleeding".

The movie took a few things to the extremes with the plot and with clear decisions to be made.

On introspecting the movie, there were different kinds of love: Sibling love (to protect the other), Husband-wife love (the wife loved him despite he being a physical abuser), father-daughter love/ dislove (where one daughter separated from the father due to his alleged killing of her mother) and lesbian love (2 ladies loving one lady).

The clashes and conflicts that came:
One sister wants to protect her sister from abuse and is ok with killing her husband while the abused sister wants to continue her troubled relationship with her husband. Priority and purpose of love.

One lady loving another while a stranger loves the same girl. Competition in love.

A father wants to protect her daughter from cops while she says mum about the killing of the mother and others by her dad. Love to not hurt.

The conflicts came when one love or the purpose of one love came in confrontation or a higher priority of another love.

In modern worlds, these conflicting loves are there but not shown explicitly.

One of the most common substitutes of love is giving time. When one relationship gets more time (or assumedly more time than required) than another, this comes as a conflict in love. These relationships could be grandparent-parent v/s parent-child v/s parent-in laws v/s spouse-spouse v/s friends time v/s relaxation or hobby time.

It is almost impossible not to have conflicts with the limited resources of time.

How we keep what relationships we want for the future, manage/reduce the non-value added relationships to get what we want out of life is the question.

Love - An irresistible desire

"Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired." -- Robert Frost

The Time Machines

A facebook message:

"Memories, Dreams, and Love .... I believe they are all 'time-machines' in essence.....don't you think so?

Memories take us back in time.

Dreams propel us ahead of time. 

And Love, well, ... it freezes the time :)  "

Hurt quotes

“Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart.”

"It's weird...you know the end of something great is coming, but you want to hold on, just for one more second...just so it can hurt a little more.”

“Dance as though no one is watching you. Love as though you have never been hurt before. Sing as though no one can hear you. Live as though heaven is on earth.”

“Strength of character means the ability to overcome resentment against others, to hide hurt feelings, and to forgive quickly.”

“I've learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you every once in awhile and you must forgive them for that.”

“The difference between friendship and love is how much you can hurt each other”

“You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.”

“I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love” : Mother Teresa

Love & war 2

"War (like love) is easier to start than to stop": H.L.Mencken

The sunk feeling

Sometimes, the heart just sinks hearing or knowing something. Something you didn't expect and about something that is close to you and usually it is a big opportunity loss. There is no question of getting angry or taking revenge, since it is a one way loss where only you are the only one hurt and you anyway don't want to cause harm to the other party in any way. Sometimes, there is disappointment and sometimes, not even that, just a sense of loss. One can't really do anything about it. Just accept it and be ready for such things in the future so that it doesn't hurt you as much as it did the previous time.

Love & war

"Everything is war in love and for the fair"

How to handle a woman?

"He had just married an old friend of mine, Paulette Goddard, all woman, magnificently distributed, as feminine as she is female. One night when we were having dinner, I said to Erich (not seriously): 'How do you get along with this wild woman?' He replied: 'Beautifully. There is never an argument.' 'Never an argument?' I asked incredulously. 'Never,' he replied. 'We will have an appointment one evening, and she charges into the room crying, 'Why aren't you ready? You always keep me waiting. Why do you ...?!' I look at her with astonishment and say, 'Paulette! Who did your hair? It's absolutely ravishing.' She says, 'Really? Do you really like it?' 'Like it?' I reply. 'You're a vision. Let me see the back.' By the time she has made a pirouette her fury is forgotten. Another time she turns on me in rage about something, and before a sentence is out of her mouth I stare at her and say breathlessly, 'My God! You're incredible. You get younger every day.' She says, 'Really, darling?' 'Tonight,' I say, 'you look eighteen years old.' And that is the end of her rage.' I was as amused as I was admiring and I said to him: 'Erich, one day I will have to write a song about that.' The song was 'How to Handle a Woman' which ends:

The way to handle a woman is to love her,
Simply love her; merely love her,
Love her, love her."

Alan Jay Lerner,  The Street Where I Live, Da Capo Press, 1978, pp. 193-4.

A broken heart

Falling in love

Dont fall in love, rise in love!

Strength and courage

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage".

Nice thought

Found this while surfing. Real words of wisdom:

"Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end. Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude."

Holding on

"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go" - Herman Hesse

Economics of love

Girl Your Marginal Benefits... (Featuring Julia Zhang)

Now girl being with you has always been so tough (so tough)

With each passing minute your marginal cost goes up

But my love is inelastic and it all belongs to you (who me?)

I'm the only love producer and my good is for you to consume

Cause girl your marginal benefits far outweigh your marginal costs

Without our equilibrium baby well you know I'd be lost

Trapped inside this market I need you to buy my love

Girl without your complementing goods well I'm just not enough

Now you say that I'm producing below my ATC (so low)

But I'm optimizing quantity baby, why can't you see?

We could share this surplus each and every day If you would just buy my love I'd make my fixed costs go away

Baby I want to keep you for the long run (Oh yeah) (mmmm)

I think our supply and demand will become one

Cause girl your marginal benefits far outweigh your marginal costs

Without our equilibrium baby well you know I'd be lost Long run equilibrium is no place for me

I need the profits of our love to grow exponentially

http://www.purevolume.com/miketoomey

Falling in love

Read somewhere in the blogosphere: "Its not the pretty face which makes you fall in love, it's the small quirks and annoyances that endears the person to you."

One of those things that makes the world go around

Luv.... One of those essential emotions that makes people go around... sometimes madly.... One of those things that is so hard to explain....in words.... One of those things that will bring out the best in you... One of those very things that can break your heart in a manner that there is no way to rectify it..... The below link uncovers different types of love. Ask yourself some true questions to discover with what kind of love do you really love a person you say you love. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Companionate_love