The last mile - A retake

It was sometime last year. And I still can't forget the look on her face. It was around 11am or so in the morning on a slightly hot day in Bangalore. As she came out of the room, she looked lovely in the saree and the various accessories. She was a bit hesitant, scared and anxious; a volatile cocktail of thoughts running in her mind. Though she was walking on her own, there were enough people behind her and kind of looked like she was pressured to walk ahead. She wasn't looking around, she had a heightened sense of things and at the same time a blur of many things. With her heart beating heavily, she tried to keep her composure and walk slowly. She ignored the sounds all around as all of it didn't matter to her any more. I tried making an eye contact with her and looked at her face, but she just saw through me and beyond me. Then she walked past me not acknowledging my presence there. But the face said it all. She was in another world at that moment, clouded with many thoughts and questions. She had 'the look'. She knew 'this was it'. There was no going back now. Maybe life flashed by her during that very moment. And the sounds around increased. She was wearing a maroon saree and sat down and soon afterward, the thali was tied and she was married.

Dedicated to my cousin on her first wedding anniversary on 8th June  :)

New terms for new sensations

Bell's Law of Telephony: No matter what technology is used, your monthly phone bill magically remains about the same size.

Denarration: The process whereby one's life stops feeling like a story.

Instant Reincarnation: The fact that most adults, no matter how great their life is, wish for radical change in their life. The urge to reincarnate while still alive is near universal.

Intravincular Familial Silence: We need to be around our families not because we have so many shared experiences to talk about, but because they know precisely which subjects to avoid.

Intraffinital Melancholy vs Extraffinital Melancholy: Which is lonelier: To be single and lonely, or to be lonely within a dead relationship?

Encountering the third kind

Walking on Marine drive, I just escaped getting into an encounter of the third kind. But some others werent so lucky. The busy couples were so busy doing what they were doing and just didnt see it coming. Then it started. The acts, the begging, the blessings and even the haggling. But I indeed wonder, what would be the best response that would not only get rid of the 'problem' but make all involved happy and smile. Imagine you are on a romantic date on and suddenly encountered with the people called 'chakas', what do you think would be a response that will make you sound nice in front of your special one, make the intruder happy and you too at the end of the day?

Rise above

"You're born, you take shit. You get out in the world, you take more shit. You climb a little higher, you take less shit. Till one day you're up in the rarefied atmosphere and you've forgotten what shit even looks like" - Layer cake

Ideal personality: Why MBTI is so not right..

When I first knew about the MBTI test (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers-Briggs_Type_Indicator) and that I was supposed to take it, I thought I was definitely strong in some areas and was kind of in the middle for some of the other parameters.

I was administered the MBTI test at my management school and I found it very hard to choose one of the two answers when asked to choose from. I had fair amount of instances on either side and if it was another day, I could have as well ticked the other option. With many a questions in limbo, I didnt really feel the test helped in testing me, or I was not quite the normal guy falling quite clearly in such sharp black and white categories (as it should have been perhaps).

Somewhere down the line in the last 1.5 years, I have been able to see that all for each pair of MBTI, one preference or the other is more beneficial depending on the circumstances. Sometimes, keeping your mouth shut helps to prevent further embarrassment and trouble, while at times going out of way to shout out your point is beneficial.

 

Similar with Sensing and iNtution. Wiki says { Individuals who prefer sensing are more likely to trust information that is in the present, tangible and concrete: that is, information that can be understood by the five senses. They tend to distrust hunches, which seem to come "out of nowhere". They prefer to look for details and facts. For them, the meaning is in the data. On the other hand, those who prefer intuition tend to trust information that is more abstract or theoretical, that can be associated with other information. } Again this preference is and should be based on the situation (or atleast that is how I have always used it). Without intution, how else can one even try to understand such vague things like atoms, their chemistry, radio frequencies, nuclear physics, integration and differentiation in mathematics, visions of leaders, faith on god, etc. On the other hand, how can you ever make a sound decision without any basis. Both extremes seem ridiculous.

If you think over it, even the other two pairs will be like that.

 

MBTI test says that these are personal preferences only and nobody can be a perfectly any of the 16 different conmbinations and it is not strictly a type to be classified into. People do exhibit both sides of a pair. The point why then classify it like that? Why not have three things instead of a pair. The third should be the center region in between the extremes of the pair.

And that I think is the perfect personality!

A person capable of being in neither of the MBTIs, but right in the center for all the four pairs and one who feels most confused as to what he really is after being given the test. He will be the most suitable in the ever so dynamic situations of the current and future worlds where prefering different ways to different situations and maybe even different ways for same situation at a different time is required. [If you understood the last statement, I assure you that you will qualify as "intelligent and wise" in Ajit's Intelligence test ;) ]

A perfect personality is a flecible one capable of handling a delicate as well as a hard situation. He is flexible in approach and knows when to stick to what and what is to be achieved. Extrovert helps in life to make new friends and contacts and achieve the unimaginable but being introvert and doing your own work is beneficial when you have a job in hand to complete all by yourself. The perfect personality should be able to do the right mix of both extremes right one after another or sometimes even simultanoeusly. e.g: Being introvert while being extrovert like when you go to a party and introduce yourself or make an effort to meet up someone(extrovert behaviour) but hardly talk anything (introvert behaviour). It is in a way like playing good cop, bad cop alone and seeing which is the best way the situation can be handled and then choosing the suitable role.

A 'complicated' feeling

Can a feeling be 'complicated'?

If someone asks how are you?

Can I answer "I am feeling complicated" ?

With so many things happening in parallel in many close people's lives, sometimes there comes a time when there is great news on one end and a disastrous news on the other. And there is not much you can do about it but feel happy about one and sad about the other. This is the state I am refering to and this is not to be confused with the state of confusion where you don't know what to do.

Emails and emotions

I recently realised something by what my friend said today. I am usually good at writing mails and reviewing documents, but at times like today, I just seem to have lost that talent all of a sudden. I drafted a mail to a higher authorty which wasn't a neutral toned one. I didnt like the mail myself. I asked for help to a friend/classmate and he drafted me a good mail. Sent it.

I asked him, how come you are so good in drafting mails. He said he learnt it from me. Now, that is a paradoxical statement. He told me that when the person drafting the mail is involved in the reason for writing the mail, emotions come in the way. And these emotions are strong enough that the mind cant even write a simple clear mail in a neutral tone. There have been instances when I write his mails for the best effect and he writes up my mails for the best effect. Strange, but true. The partner needs to be able to understand you completely and take up the complementary task in the best way when due.

There are exceptions though. There are mails where emotions can actually help. Like a mail criticising the pathetic situation to a lower/equal authority after many complaints have gone on deaf ears or a real sentimental/loving mail that can really touch one and maybe even bring them to tears.

One of the most important ingredient to emails is the state of mind or the emotions at the time of writing it.

A potent combination

What do you think is the hardest combination of feelings to go through?

I think it has to be the combination of "anger and helplessness". The worst part about this combination is that you know that nobody can actually help you and hence there is no use telling your problem/feelings to others. Also, most probably the answer you will get is "things will get alright" which when you hear you know is crap. This suffering is almost always alone. And in most cases, the healer of this is time. Because as time moves on, you start getting on or get absorbed with other things in daily life and this combination of feelings takes a back seat for good. Once you are through this deadly concoction of emotions sucessfully, you become a stronger person than before, ready to take on more of life's hits with grace and ease.