Saturday, December 5, 2009

All time best CVs

Here's a sample. At No.10 is Rambo.
Other good ones are Yoda, Pamela Anderson and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

10. Rambo
CVs - rambo
Previous Employment
US Army Green Berets, Nutjob Mercenary, Snake Seller, Jungle Tour Guide. 
Reason for Leaving Previous Job
Apparently my personal kit of an M2 Browning machine gun, 4000 rounds of ammunition, 12 inch machete, pepper spray, 8 grenades, a handaxe and a small box of tissues, was considered a ’safety hazard’. On top of this, my  jungle-pattern combat facepaint was apparently ’scaring fellow employees’. In any case their facilities were rubbish – there was nowhere to land a helicopter, for example.
Greatest Achievement:
Medal of Honor, Distinguished Flying Cross, Bronze Star, Purple Heart, Black Lung, Vietnam Service Medal, 10m Swimming Badge, Advanced Knot-Tying Badge, MTV Cribs Most Homely (for my jungle hut in Thailand) and Nutter of the Year 1988. Did I mention I have killed over 17,000 people?
Personal Qualities
Knowledge of over 23 ways to kill a man with my bare handscan operate any military vehicle or weapon (including helicopter and tank); expert escape and evasion skills; very good at applying facepaint; extensive collection of bandanas; extremely sensitive.
Eventually I hope to move away from military-based suicide missions and into the softcore porn industry – both as a producer and star. Basically, instead of using guns to create holes, I’d like to fill holes with my… 6 years as a POW does cruel things to a man…
Special Requirements
12 Vietnamese POWs for my personal amusement (and to keep my interrogation technique in great form), my bandana washed and ironed every evening, and a lifetime subscription to Butterfly Collector Weekly – oh, and a helicopter landing pad is definitely a dealbreaker.

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