Saturday, January 9, 2010

Woody Allen quotes

“I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.”

“To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.”

“Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.”

“If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.”

“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”

“When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.”

“I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.'”

“I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.”

“In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.”

“Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing; between 5 it's fantastic.”

“You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.”

“My brain? That´s my second favourite organ.”

“I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.”

“Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right”

“Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.”

“I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me”

“A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.”

“Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.”

“Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.”

“What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?”

“I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.”

“I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.”

“The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.”

“Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.”

“If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.”

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